Miss Manners’ Guide to Ghosthunting

The old Athens Lunatic Asylum, now called The Ridges: one of the most haunted places in our very haunted county of Athens, Ohio.

I was raised with strict Southern Company Manners.

When out in polite society, one said “Yes, Ma’am, No, Sir, Please, Sir and Thank you, Ma’am,” and called your friends’ mothers Mrs——-and fathers Mr.—-.

One held one’s hands behind one’s back, one shook hands when introduced, one sat quietly (without slouching) and didn’t speak until spoken to, and generally did everything to avoid drawing attention to one’s self.

And when one wanted or needed something, one asked politely with many pleases and thank yous.

Generally, I have found these Company Manners serve well in most interactions of any social nature, whether official or unofficial, and that includes matters of the paranormal.

So, here we are with a few simple guidelines on how to go about doing your onsite paranormal investigations in a respectful, socially aware and polite manner.

1. ASK PERMISSION before you arrive, especially if you are going to be on private property.

I would think that this one is so obvious that it goes without saying, but, apparently it isn’t.

Ask. Ask. Ask. Whether you do it by phone, text or email, ask. I would suggest email or snail mail so you have an answer in writing, and I would suggest printing out your permission from the owner of the property in writing, so if someone calls the authorities, you have something resembling proof that you have permission to be there.

Being arrested for trespassing isn’t fun.

Being shot at by neighbors is less fun.

In fact, if the owner of said property isn’t on the property habitually or when you are going to be there, I suggest stopping by the nearest neighbor to show them your permission from the owner so they know who you are and what you are up to BEFORE they start seeing strangers mucking about in the dark with strange colored flashlights bouncing around in the woods across the road.

Remember, the last thing you truly need to worry about when tramping around in the woods at night is ghosts, Bigfoot, goblins or aliens. Or dogmen. You have more to worry about from other humans in the woods than any paranormal critter you can imagine. (And, of course, you have natural creatures to worry about as well, snakes, feral dogs, feral hogs, deer in the mating season, the terrain itself, electric and barbed wire fences and groundhog holes—those are also things you should worry about more than paranormal stuff.)

2. Don’t trample on people’s landscaping, tear down fences, bother dogs, neighbors who the people who live there.

I would also think that this is obvious, but……maybe not.

Leave the area nicer than when you found it—just like you do when you go camping, right? Also—-if you come up to. fence that has a “No Trespassing” sign on it, then you’ve come to the property line and you are done. Unless you’ve obtained permission from the owner of the land on the other side of the fence, you’re done.

Stop there. Turn around. Don’t be that guy who doesn’t respect people’s boundaries, whether those boundaries pertain to physical fences or personal relationship boundaries. Just. Don’t.

3. Even if you are going to be investigating in public spaces or on public land, it’s a nice idea to inform someone that you’re coming.

OK, so you don’t need to ask permission to be in a public area, but you know, it’s a nice idea to give the people who work there a head’s up that you’re coming and what you’re up to. Especially if you’re walking around taking EM readings or looking through night vision goggles or what have you. That kind of stuff might make people nervous, and it makes you look less scary and freakish if you tell people what you’re up to before they get worried about you.

Besides, it will help make your way in the world more smooth if you’re polite.

Also, people who work in haunted places will often have a story to tell you and are more likely to tell you if you ask nicely and politely.

4. Try appearing as professional as possible.

No. I do not expect you to wear business attire while doing paranormal investigations. Tempting as it may be to wear a black suit and sunglasses, please don’t try and give off that Mulder and Scully vibe (unless that’s actually how you really dress all the time in real life, in which case, more power to you) or look like a MIB.

When I say professional, I mostly mean neat and tidy, and dressed appropriately for the area you’re investigating.

If you’re on a Bigfoot hunt, or clambering around in a haunted woodland setting, wearing a suit and tie is foolish. But you know, don’t wear your most tattered, outdoorsy wear, either.

And if you’re investigating a haunted former lunatic asylum that is now owned by a university (Like the Ridges, which is now owned by Ohio University, pictured above), then clean, neat casual wear is probably sufficient.

It’s just like how your Mamma made you wash your hands and face and comb your hair really well before going to visit your dear old Great Aunties. Company manners includes company grooming.

And it makes a Good Impression.

5. Finally, be courteous, and ask permission before photographing witnesses and get release forms from witnesses who tell your stories.

Do not break confidentiality or reveal witness identities if you promised not to.

First of all, it’s just plain wrong to do that, but secondly—it goes against your own best interests to do so.

Witnesses will not talk to investigators they don’t trust. And if you get a reputation as someone who breaks their word, eventually no one will talk with you.

A release form is simple—you can find various versions of them online, but basically it’s a statement that the undersigned gives permission to the investigator to use their testimony in their research and for possible publication and has a place where they can check whether or not they want their name used, It needs to be signed and dated.

Just make a habit of carrying some with you whenever you investigate, even if you aren’t planning on talking to a witness, because you never know who you’ll meet out in the woods. A neighbor may tell you stories of their experiences, and if you can get them to go on the record and sign the release go for it.

There.

I’m sure there are more little rules based on the Company Manners that I was raised with that would pertain to paranormal investigation, but these are the most important ones.

At least, I think so.

If you can think of others, please feel free to add them in the comments below.